Friday, April 15, 2011

Don't Tax America's Dad

This week's contribution by our own Jerry Carpenter was originally posted last night at Jerry's Blug Specktacular:

In order to generate some revenue for this thing (you have no idea how much Sharpie pens and sketch pads go for these days), we've turned over the following Blag, er, Blug post to the American Tea Partier Founding Fathering and Fostering America's Future In The Coming Years of Obama-Struction. Take it away, guys:

Shhhh, America. It's okay. The ATPFFAFAFINCYOOS knows your scared, but you don't have to be.

You've heard the news. Obama's new budget plan calls for a tax increase on the wealthiest families. Instead of cutting the wasteful spending of Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, he has opted to declare all out war on America's true social security: the people that prove the free market works. Corporations all over are demonized, but what the liberal-progressive socialists don't want you to know is that Corporate America is like America's Dad. Corporate America knows when you need to learn the responsibility of working a low wage job for the good of Daddy. Daddy can't run the economy if he's paying you more than it's worth to hang sheet rock. Corporate America knows when to quell your fears of environmental Armageddon; oil spills help us appreciate the ocean, tar sand emissions help us appreciate the air. Daddy has to have some fun, though, too. Raising America is hard. The ATPFFARARINCYOOS understands that once and while, Daddy has to live a little and go hogwild at the Del Derivatives Casino. That's what Daddies do. You have to let Daddy have his fun. If we start taxing America's Dad, America's Dad is going to up and leave, and HE'S NEVER COMING BACK! DO YOU HEAR ME?!? LEAVING AND NEVER COMING BACK AND YOU'LL BE SORRY WHEN HE'S GONE AND NEVER COMES TO YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Support America's Dad. Don't Tax Him. Otherwise, you'll be left alone to be touched inappropriately by creepy Uncle Obama.

Everybody Mambo!